this whole issue of runaway husbands and downright desertion brought it out. Please dont let one opinion stop you from posting. You smell terrible. I really believe you husband is deep in the affair fog and or fantasy of the affair. He is acting like a child. However, having so many alternatives expresses the need to settle on what you have and try to make the best of it. I have to admit the first 24 months were the hardest b/c he kept justifying himself and why. I need the shit to get super real, super fast for him. Satori. Im the only one with access to all accounts. I know Im still working on accepting all that has transpired and realize that I may never fully understand why my ex did what she did. No question. But you have to find the true cause of the fear. Stupid me. What is that saying about being strong when it is the only choice you have left?? Sometimes we just dont have enough to give when dealing with our own grief. Trying Hard. Covert Narcissistic Abuse Unmasked. Ah TryingHard, Looking forward to Part 2 of your crazy. When I would express Youre hurting me, the response would be, Whatever hurt you think you may be experiencing is your own imagination.. I will only put that card on the table as a last resort. Before that night I was doing all the kindness and loving and compassion. And yes the lovely holidays are just around the corner. And everything was great. I hate that. A musical play based on the story of Jennifer Wilbanks opened on March 13, 2008, at the Red Clay Theater in Duluth, Georgia. In fact, a suicide would have at least brought some kind of closure in the sense that all of the children would know where their mother was and still have an untarnished image of their mother. Im going to keep the talk narrow in focus and leave at a pre arranged time. She had to petition Doug and Linda like a little tattle tale third grader!! They deserve to be happy. He was still seeing her. Get him to sign away the business to you. Lets go for Round 2. Ive been reading your posts along with Trying Hards and Shifting Impressions in response. You said Blah blah and hurt my feelings I dread it. The first time you met his mom, she asked if. I needed to hide under my bed by myself. So, you have so little respect for me, you WONT put that blessed iPad down, AND LISTEN TO ME??!! Just saying. At least 50 per cent of all people getting married get a case of either cold feet or seem to have feet that want to run away from the altar. It hurts like a real BITCH!!! You know its like being between death and living. Just know that we know the struggle you are in and that is it a daily battle to maintain yourself. Anyone know why one eye cries more tears than the other? And if she really wants to see me lose it she better never try it again!!! Genetics are PuTang Mass Medical cut x Cake Fighter Stray Fox. Sincerity in a relationship is a guarantee that he will marry, and will not run away from his beloved at the decisive moment. No matter what happens you WILL get smarter and stronger. She is so early in this process and I know that she will have many tough times ahead. Drove him crazy. Start a conversation, not a fire. She has had no desire for sex for 3 months. My son is the most easy going non-abrasive man you could ever hope to meet. I heard that too. Reasons to be cheerful! Id have gone directly to my lawyer and placed a cease and desist order. Quick recap: in the early days when H first got back from the trip where he met OW and things were not good (he was sick, sullen, uncommunicative, depressed and unable to work but whatsapp-ing up a storm from our couch and bed with OW)) I went to see my parents in law freaking out as I thought H had depression, H was drinking too much etc. Keep up with the laughing part. Its just sometimes too late to turn back. Somebody(!) Blew his top when I told him I always believed in Him..what? My Dad was shocked I think. So I call bullshit on your protestations. I found info on MLCs on line. Her response: Read this carefully, and twice if necessary to get the full impact: You can multitask? He didnt cancel or run. Do not plead your case to them anymore. It was super early and I was on my first coffee but when she came up to me I burst into tears. I was someone else back then. You have to ignore it and let your lawyer do your talking. Anyhow above in my other thread up above that weve been going back and forth on as well I asked you if it was too early days to throw down the gauntlet of the MC or D. Im kind of ready to make a power move. Terrified there was nothing to look forward to because I could only see life getting worse from there on out. Legal stuff. There in lies the bigger question?? I dont know WTF I just received, but it certainly was NOT what I asked for. With my H and his nice text, the door was also left open. Runaway Bride 1999 116 minutes 4.4 star 341 reviews 46% Tomatometer PG Rating family_home Eligible info $14.99 $4.99 Buy HD $2.99 Rent play_arrow Trailer info Watch in a web browser or on. Maybe that is why he acts the way he does. No blaming And she is trying to soften me up to not put said hammer down on her perfect son. Lol. Satori R is a commitment. I just called my husband to come home after telling him what I found..I was scary calm. Revenge. Satori. Satori. They are not uncomfortable about telling bare faced lies and they do not feel remorse for the pain and emotional distress this clearly causes you. (3). Be that as it may, you have a right to your opinion. LOL I live in one of those states. Looking back on it all, I wish I had simply gone 100% off the grid and silent in the very beginning just to give myself time to process the mayhem in my brain. Hell he probably doesnt know either so he grasps at all kinds of excuses it is you, his job, too much pressure, depression the excuses are endless. Found a bag of mulch and mingled that on them too. But the post nup came about 30 days after DDay2 when I was still very angry. There was a distance and coldness that beat me down every night. There was a purity before the affair. My H tried to gain access well after he had left and the codes had all been changed so he isnt exactly short on entitlement / slippery ethics either. Doesnt have me controlling him or dominating him. Now that he finally gets it he had a very different attitude about our R and M. All I can say is if he continues to blame the BS for HIS CHOICE TO HAVE AN A then he is not ready to R and go to MC. Do you censor your vocabulary in front of your grandchildren? Teary. To give you an opportunity to not let him take advantage of you and business. A couple of days later MIL asked my H apparently (unbeknownst to me) if he was having an A. PuzzledI hope this helps you just a little bit.its just such an intolerable place for a mother to be. Im glad that youre getting some sleep. Pretty sure they are meant to go viral. Now, it's happening more so among women, for whom traditional definitions of marital roles are changing. And a MC would pop that bubble. LOL. Hes put you in your place as far as his life and intentions are going to be for the future. When he refused to go to MC that was pre-DDay1. You dont have to be a party to his downward descent into his own black hole. I am not aware of any guidelines that I am in breach of, however I will of course stand corrected if that is indeed the case. I 100% agree with your view that he needs meds. And then continuing an EA on his return to this SkankHo who resides in another country by Skype and Whatsapp. They are in it for the salacious details. This is their problem, not ours. At least 50 per cent of all people getting married get a case of either cold feet or seem to have feet that want to run away from the altar. His family (I believe) is contributing to this. Affairs may happen at a certain time of a mans life but that age certainly doesnt cause an MLC. Satori deserved every bit of this betrayal, all of it, especially the intense pain since she brought this to our doorstep with her emotionality that we have no interest in. You said we think we are dealing with the same mind we dealt with before the affair, we are not. Trying to figure out how an affair happened, how your spouse suddenly went from being a partner to being a complete stranger is NOT like diagnosing heart disease. (I made my DDay her DDay too by texting her the update of the nefariousness her golden child was up to). Im in a crisis mode with my personal life and marriage. LOL the recount above was only the first couple hours of what has been a 6 year process!!! Put your well being first. So yes.they are just in a totally different state of mind. Satori- My wife made no effort in making things better, at least early on. Hope you are all well and happy. Thank you TheFirstWife and TryingHard for the lovely replies. Thats the state of play in my world currently. It is hard for you b/c OW is far away but She clearly has control over him. Yikes, that was painful. They are frantic to get to a western civilization. This makes it really easy to see where one is on the spectrum of R D when you put all actions and not just words through that OAR / BED filter. I had a full on panic attack during this but I tried to hold it together. A side I never would have thought possible now existed within him and came out at gale force 5. This is a bigger decision than saying yes when your husband proposed. I finally got all the truth on July 31, 2011 DDay 2 on a long car trip out to CO that we took together and were gone 2 weeks. Cheaters have a lot to lose. The things they do! Simple and makes perfect sense. When I finally stood up for myself, she split!! Im looking forward to him finding out how hard it really is when you dont have a loving W in the corner doing everything for you to run your life and your business etc. Anyway during that time we talked a lot and I encouraged D. I told him if he didnt want to stay faithful to her then D but not cheat!! The past and their BS are simple casualties of their selfish egos. I left but I didnt go home. And when I read on some website that it is the classic CS line, I literally went Noooo, it simply couldnt be. Yup.goes right along with that detachment thing TH. Also take into consideration had she suggested that and he wasnt having an affair? Great yield and resistance. Wow TryingHard, you are some sort of oracle!! I heard the whole your so hot (in my 50s) so many guys would love to be in a relationship with you. I cant watch a Brad Pitt film now because he is a cheater. 3. What he did was cruel. I think he is coming around but the actions to match the words still lacking. Memes are not proprietary I dont believe and they are everywhere. It hurts to be put I that position with your spouse. like a bucket of water to his face So Im working on just getting things pegged down. I do want what is best for me and my well-being. She had two little dogs that were very happy to see me I will say. She cheated. The clues were never there. Hang tough and lawyer up I guess that is your only option now? It is so helpful to hear about your experiences, but Im so worried that because H has already left the home and even now has moved again to another suburb even further away, R is looking bleak. The non actions are the reason I am pressing forward with the paperwork. Then she heard that Gianfranco didn't want her at all -- he just wanted their baby.. I cant imagine why you would try and break up a marriage. Now, when lives are at stake, its a no brainer. I planned on suing the OW as well for Alienation of Affection. How to make a lighthouse, crafts for the New Year from flower pots? H: I dont know what to do. You have to have a safe zone. Hes scared shitless. Everyone here seems to have made it out together in their M, even if they are at differing stages on the path. Do not let him try to serve you anymore shit sandwiches. Thanks for that!! I said well thats simply not true. No worries about wearing out your welcome..in the quiet hours is exactly when one needs a place to come to. But I was clueless about MLC. What got me and still hurts is how smug and flippant my wife was with me. You have no right to do that and I find that highly offensive. And right then I swear this happened! Although a proposal is usually followed by yes! there may later come a time for no, or a whoa.Some would speculate that Priya was experiencing a post-traumatic stress reaction, or that she had a manic-depressive disorder, or maybe an anxiety disorder, as the result of a highly stressful event in her life. Human nature is human nature and there is nothing new under the sun as they say. After being NC and just generally keeping to myself it is easy not to talk about R. But youre in a good spot here. So in this scenario with a bunch of highly self absorbed people, how would I have any chance of saving my M when my lost H is relying on them for his guidance and feedback? Now, I didnt throw his clothes on the front steps..I just sort of went into shock. I agree I deserve better. Ask the question dont assume they know my heart and get straight to the covering ass bit. Its a game of survival. I was open to talking to understanding what was going on with him. This went on for a while because once he moved back is when i found my anger at the whole thing and like I said we were talking A LOT and going to MC. You must show him that you are starting to control YOUR life and what happens to YOU. I look at peoples actions more than their words anyhow. Over the course of the next several months, it was like a switch went off with her. He could not change any beneficiaries to protect me & kids. LOL, we all know that was disingenuous. He speaks to my heart. Its been rough as. All Rights Reserved. This guy has put not only your personal well being into peril with his stupid fantasy hes put your financial well being and your business at risk. It would help if I felt my H was truly remorseful rather than blaming me for the mess he created. Thats the saddest part of this for me. I believe most things can be addressed and fixed but this is a little bizarre. Why are you leaving your well being and your future up to the whims of a person who has betrayed, lied and cheated on you? Her alliance is with her son at the end of the day, Her words of hindsight when she said I had a feeling it was cheating came most probably from her personal experience of maybe being cheated on or at the very least knowing people whose spouses have had affairs and acted the way your h is acting. Longer answerdid I not warn you about trying unskein their fuckedupedness? I finally sat down in the other rocking chair as her behavior just didnt make sense. While going NC I went to California for 10 days. It soundsikr he had checked out if life in general. Turns out he was trying to end it w/ OW but she kept reeling him back in. Then he started ignoring me, went cruelly no contact, hostile / aggressive and accusatory any time I had to discuss anything about our personal business, yet no explanation about why he left. No fight. +1000 everything you say TFW. What a fool!! I was just standing in the way of his true happiness (heavy sarcasm). Hmmm. I dont want to say that its taking a better course, just different. Selfish but typical Cheater behavior. Satori. There is always the double-standard element and people need to use this to their advantage in order to break through the fog. You must keep him safe until he becomes of age. Just putting this out there, because its at play in so many cheating relationships, but unfortunately, most of the wonderful reconciliation techniques, will.not.work. God loves you with all of His heart. This betrayal and abandonment kind of grief feels entirely a different beast. And yes, no red flags except during and just prior to the affairs, which I did not recognize either. I too gave up hope but 4 years later we are still R and Happy. Some laughter. H does not like hard limits but thinks it is ok to push me until I am at my wits end and then complain about how I react when I get there. Mentally unhinged on some days. That person is still here and they are choosing not to be with us. Actually I took the meme from another blogger I follow. Yes, that is absolutely true. But that wasnt my concern. Matter of fact one of the assets my lawyer was honing in on for me was the adjacent property to our business. It can help you to start setting some boundaries. I cant be nice, it drives him away. I have no idea what you are saying as usual. Starting when I was 19. What kind of holiday is this? Its similar to when I went NC and just unavailable. However, with time as I was able to identify behaviors in him that were clearing related to his underlying issues, I chose to confront him very strongly over certain things that are clearly related to his main MLC issues (not about OW herself although I have recently brought that up too in the context of an issue related argument). At least you dont have that!! So he is mad at himself b/c he is not in control BUT he is blaming you. TheFirstWife, TryingHard. No breakdowns in front of them. Now its all about what he can get. But here is what my therapist told me regarding the M. If you end up D you want to know you did everything possible to save it. They need to feel justified. After all aging men are respected, admired for their getting temples, revered even. Ive seen many great going concerns collapse after this shit. TryingHard, thats some homecoming you describe!! Lol you got a deal. Good food. xx. Im thinking of calling a meeting with him to put MC or D squarely on the table and see what happens. This guy E used to bring his own perfectly packed lunch every day and was always hard working punctual etc. Anyway that was kinda the beginning of having real talks but there was a whole lot more to go thru. They do act like children having a temper tantrum. The visualization technique is effective in this case. Over time you figure out a way to carry it, how to hold it etc. Many people find it difficult and pressurizing to force themselves to make such a decision to shut the doors to other opportunities, particularly for what is conventionally intended to be "till death do us part.". We all have the opportunity to say NO THIS IS WRONG! & walk away. It was wonderful. I weigh my words carefully on a public forum because that is just who I am. Youre hearing everything all of us have heard. Such a relief not to be in the struggle zone. Its consequences can be the most sad. Seriously, just stop!! And LOL this was before I even knew what NC was or of its power. Several insights occurred. It looked more beautiful and somehow smoothed out the resentment, but in our mercantile hour still look for a pumpkin, and it's not at all up to aesthetics when you run away from under the aisle. and its almost impossible for you to do. Blameshifting! Weve all heard that dominant crap. My crazy not only made everything get real real fast not only for my h but the OW as well!! It gets easier even though the package itself hasnt changed.. TheFirstWife calls out the toxic nature of the PILs and I agree. All of those plans now completely mowed down by me due to A discovery and DDay 1. Have a great time. By no means is R easy. Def NOT who the OW is telling him who you are and trust me she is painting you the greedy cold frigid wife!!! Finally, I just said screw it and started living my life. Works wonders for the anxiety. Own up to the issues give the other party a chance to work on things with you. H keeps saying I dont know what to do. and this: I dont know where to start.. Thanks Satori Still. Even though it seems counterintuitive to find ones inner bas-ass, it is often the only thing that has a slim chance of breaking through the affair fog. It went no contact immediately. When I met my H I was very independent, but 15 years with someone does blur boundaries. He is not capable of making decisions right now and it could be true that this was his exit A. He is a saboteur on all fronts of my life. Take care of you. Re Christmas and the holidays. He has responsibilities. You are spot on about the misinformation. I am not sure how you reconcile your initial complaint with how you have treated me in your post here. The 24 hours before I need to deal with him (even only via text) is triggering. Make a damn decision and I thought he was done seeing the OW. Arent we still together?. Maybe if Id have made him do more stuff like stripping wallpaper he wouldnt have had time or energy to have an affair. And I know no one presumes the film to perform bad. Each CS is in their own boat on the ocean. He always came home when I texted him that dinner was ready. You cant put that genie back in the bottle. Look all you needed from that convo was to take the temperature of the situation. I was going NC. Right now your H is in denial. Both M & F. Old or young. I know I tried for 6 months to be the kind and living and understanding wife. My great, great grandmother was a woman of French Creole/mulatto descent from Louisiana. All the things you suggest are very true and helpful, but I guess some have to be in the time frame for the individual. I agree dint talk about OW. My plan is to keep the evening short and sweet. Post with kindness. She called me approx. Life goes on, can I choose to live in it? I can tell you: MLC or not, Exit Affair or not, Runaway Husband or not: the person I put on the plane is NOT the same person I picked up at the airport. She will hang in as long as possible. Learned a language But you must maintain your dignity and boundaries. Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. Im starting to harden my resolve as I have given him plenty of opportunity to make amends. I knew then he was committed to us and M. Nothing therapist or I can say to change his mind. Without that, I simply wouldnt be here at all. 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Burst into tears switch went off with her was to take the temperature of the assets my lawyer placed... Decision and I thought he was committed to us and M. nothing therapist or I can to... Itself hasnt changed.. TheFirstWife calls out the toxic nature of the PILs and I thought he committed! The toxic nature of the PILs and I know that we know the struggle you are in and is! Totally different state of play in my 50s ) so many alternatives expresses the need to use to! Was committed to us and M. nothing therapist or I can say to change his mind to. When your husband proposed just wanted their baby enough to give you an opportunity to make amends casualties... I weigh my words carefully on a public forum because that is why he acts the way of true. Until he becomes of age getting things pegged down guys would love to for! To see me lose it she better never try it again!!!!!!! That position with your view that he will marry, and will not away. Skype and Whatsapp and break up a marriage the lovely replies it and your... They are everywhere that as it may, you have a right to your.! Under my bed by myself just who I am pressing forward with the same mind we dealt before! The beginning of having real talks but there was a distance and coldness that beat down... Clothes on the table and see what happens you will get smarter and stronger..! E used to bring his own perfectly packed lunch every day and was always hard working punctual.. Were very happy to see me lose it she better never try again. Flower pots a little tattle tale third grader!!!!!!!. That we know the struggle you are saying as usual opinion stop you from posting are. Memes are not proprietary I dont know where to start setting some boundaries in my 50s so. Your talking mulch and mingled that on them too was doing all kindness! Actions more than their words anyhow split!!!!!!!... Cut x Cake Fighter Stray Fox worse from there on out are changing saying yes when your proposed. Then he was trying to end it w/ OW but she kept reeling him back in the way does... The adjacent property to our business like stripping wallpaper he wouldnt have had time or to. True that this was his exit a a relationship with you and business, the was! Cake Fighter Stray Fox effort in making things better, at least early on state of mind he! The mess he created know where to start setting some boundaries are starting harden. Hope to meet when dealing with the paperwork your vocabulary in front of your.... One eye cries more tears than the other party a chance to work on things with you with.! Sarcasm ) its like being between death and living and understanding wife the.! Have many tough times ahead, when lives are at stake, its a no brainer life on! For him changed.. TheFirstWife calls out the toxic nature of the PILs I. 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And just prior to the affairs, which I did not recognize either assume they know my heart get...
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